Are you listening?
Learning to listen seems to be a complex skill that we have to learn, especially now that there is more noise than ever. good listening can boost your relationships, career and quality of life.
The ping of our mobile, the music we listen to, a busy space. our ears are always on. but how do we really listen? According to research, we hear only 25 percent of what is said to us and listen to an average couple only twenty minutes a week. It goes without saying that bad listening takes its toll. If we are not heard, we feel hurt and ignored. If you feel that you are being listened to, you know that your thoughts, feelings and ideas are valued and that is good for your self-worth.
In addition to really listening to your relationship with your partner, family members, friends and colleagues, some psychologists can also have an impact on your quality of life in general. If you do not listen carefully, you will miss a lot, as if you are walking around with a blindfold and earplugs. It also influences your inner life, because you get more insight through listening.
Improving your listening skills can be good for your career. According to recent research, well-listening colleagues are more respected and seen as more influential than those with charisma or good talkers.
Almost all of us overestimate our listening abilities. That sometimes even applies to those who say they have little self-confidence. It is also a skill that hardly anyone has learned, except that we were told at school that we had to pay attention.
Listening is the most commonly used but least understood communication skill. Hearing is automatic, but listening is a choice. For this complex activity you must be able to interpret spoken text, decipher ambiguous information and encourage meaningful communication. Effective listening must be learned and trained.
The art of tuning.
A major problem is our ability to think of other things while listening. We can listen to 500 words per minute, but the normal speech rate is between 125 and 250 words per minute. So you have the time to think about something else while you can still follow what is being said. Even if we are genuinely interested in what another person says, we can stray and notice that we have missed something.
Stress is also an obstacle.
According to research, it limits our empathic ability, the foundation of good listening. Empathy allows you to put aside your own interests and view something through someone else’s eyes. Try to move in another. By experiencing the same feelings, even if only to a certain extent, encourage you to continue talking. Also our addiction to multitasking undermines our listening skills. If you look at your computer, mobile, TV or something else, at least partially focus on it. Therefore you do not fully focus your attention on your conversation partner.
No one can listen to 100 percent everywhere and always. sometimes we just have something else on our mind or we are stressed or overburdened. In a good conversation, both partners will also speak. If you just listened and does not contribute anything, you may do so to keep a distance. However, if you consciously choose to listen more often, is that a simple but effective way to get more contact with the people around you.
That way you become a better listener.
- Good listening starts with a good attitude. look at the speaker, take an open posture (no arms crossed), bend to the speaker and make eye contact.
- Each time you want to interrupt the other person to talk about your own experience or ideas, you hold yourself in and ask a question. do this for a week.
- Listen actively. Show this by concisely summarizing what the speaker said or by reacting with a key word.
- Talk in turn. try listening for five minutes. Then respond in five minutes and ask clarifying questions to give the other person the floor again.
- Ask open questions. such as “how did that happen?” or “what are you going to do now?” With a yes / no questions like “are you leaving?” can stop the conversation soon.
- Avoid the question “why?” This allows people to shoot in the defense. often that question can not be answered properly. we do not always know why we do or find something.